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To be perfectly frank, I’m rather looking forward to waving 2014 goodbye.

I’ve never known such an annus horribulus, and I’m certainly not the only one feeling this way.  Apart from my birth of my gorgeous wee son (cue gratuitous Daniel photo)…

2014-10-09 12.45.35

… this year is one I will look back on with much fondness.  I spent the first seven months in a pregnancy fatigue funk, which fortunately went away as soon as the baby arrived.  The fatigue was replaced with the expected sleep deprivation that babies create, although largely due to Daniel having the dreaded reflux.

Reflux.  Ugh.  How I loathe thee.

For the first few weeks I had an angel baby.  He slept well and was putting on weight like a champ.  Then he started to get a bit unsettled.  Then really screamy.  Then his sleep deteriorated.  I suspected reflux, but the diagnosis was complicated by the baby getting a nasty virus doing the rounds, and a hidden tongue tie.

Life descended into chaos.  The baby screamed ALL day.  I’m not exaggerating.  Things got so bad we had a friend come every morning to help out, and had to farm out our daughter as much as possible to her grandmothers because it was impossible for me to spend much time with her.  Then my daughter got the virus. Followed by D.  And then her grandmothers.

So I am the only well person dealing with a sick, screaming baby; a sick, clingy, only-Mummy-will-do toddler; and a sick, sleep-deprived husband.  I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind at one point.

Life has gotten less chaotic, although we are still struggling to manage the baby’s reflux, even with medication.  But he is ridiculously cute, which helps a lot!  He is predictable at least, and I have been able to spend more quality time with my daughter who delights me with her ever-expanding conversational skills (she’s pretty much into full sentences now) and her silly sense of humour.

The worst thing has been my sister-in-law passing away after a short battle with cancer a few weeks ago.  She was only 37.  She had multiple health conditions for most of her life, which she courageously managed to rise above.  She was an inspiration to most people who met her, and my life is certainly richer from having known her.  I’m saddened that my children will never appreciate just how much their Auntie loved them and how important they were to her, and it’s been beyond horrible to see my brother suffering the loss of his much-loved partner in life.

So yeah, 2014 can kiss my ass.

In the midst of all the drama of late,  I have done what I always do in tough times – turn to food for comfort.

I’m sorry to say I have been indulging in too much of the white stuff of late.  It’s incredibly frustrating to find myself reacting in my old ways when life gets tough.  You think you have this addiction conquered and then – wham! Oh no you don’t.

It just goes to show that for many of us, food is an incredibly complex issue.  It’s so much more than fuel.  If losing weight or getting ‘healthy’ is a simple matter of calories in vs. calories out then there should be more of us out there rocking skinny jeans, and I personally would have an entire wardrobe of body-con dresses.

I have worked with addicts a fair bit in my life, and know I need to treat myself with the same compassion that I would them.  I know about triggers.  I know that relapses happen.  I know that over time I will experience them less and less, until I am eventually free.

And so I dust myself off, and go into ‘rehab’ again.

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